30 Things You May Not Know About Me

1. I was born in Nashville, TN.

2. I have a B.A. in Communications with a concentration in Journalism and a minor in Music.

3. I began courses for my M.B.A. in 2006 but put that on pause to go on tour; I haven’t pressed ‘play’ again yet.

4. I spent 90% of my college education at Morgan State University (Baltimore, MD), then transferred to receive my degree from William Paterson University (Wayne, NJ) after marriage.

5. I have one child; a 7-year old son named Jordan.

6. I got married a bit young and was married for 10 years before divorcing in 2010.

7. My ex-husband (or Partner in Offspring Development, as I call him) and I remain very close friends to this day; not just because we have a son together but because we are likable people who’ve learned how to resolve conflict without dissolving the friendship.

8. Over the span of my 15+ year career as a background vocalist, I’ve sang with over 50 major recording artists.

9. I HATE talking on the phone. If you call me, my ringer is probably off and I won’t answer. I love you though. Don’t take it personal.

10. I’m a member of the FIRST and FINEST Sorority – Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated (AKA).

11. Most of the lessons I’ve learned in my quest to become an AKA are applied in my daily life and profession.

12. I’m addicted to Chocolate Chip Otis Spunkmeyer Cookies and Baskin Robbins Cookies-n-Cream Ice Cream. I’m in diet rehab right now, though. LOL!

13. My favorite color is PINK; NOT just because I’m an AKA, but because it expresses who I consider myself as a person – unapologetically feminine, delicate, beautiful and varied.

14. I was raised as an only child, but am the oldest of 5 (3 brothers and 1 sister).

15. I’m afraid of animals that fly (birds, butterflies, moths, etc.). I will fight them.

16. I’m afraid of life-sized , masked caricatures (Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Ronald McDonald, Dora, etc.). I will fight them.

17. I am very compassionate, considerate and kind hearted, but have been chronically taken advantage of because of it. I’m working on finding a balance.

18. As much as I love my plus-sized sisters (as a former plus-sized sister), I’m uncomfortable with the reference. I’m a much happier person as a healthier (and smaller) person.

19. I love debating – especially when I’m proving someone wrong – lol!

20. I have 90% of all of the emails I’ve received in the past 5 years. You never know when you’ll need to cross-reference.

21. I have VERY few close friends; God has forced some alterations to my selections in the past.

22. I can be very anti-social. I don’t like partying or hanging out much. I don’t know HOW I ended up in the entertainment industry.

23. I’m a planner; I don’t do too well with spontaneity, especially in social activities. If you want me to hang out with you, tell me a week in advance so I can plan.

24. I’m addicted to making lists. I probably have a list for every major endeavor I’ve had.

25. I’m addicted to reading reviews; I peruse the internet after a performance to see how I/we were perceived by the public.

26. I’m a better planner than I am an executor.

27. I have a love/hate relationship with the music industry… more love though .

28. I’m a ‘determined’ person, but can get dangerously focused on a task at times and will tune out the rest of the world. Whatever the opposite of ADD is, I have it.

29. My favorite musicians/artists include Luciano Pavarotti, Earth, Wind & Fire, Donny Hathaway, Stevie Wonder, Ledisi & The Carpenters.

30. If I weren’t a singer, I’d probably be a publicist, entertainment lawyer, writer or forensic scientist.

I Could Be…

Living on the street with no roof over my head and no where to turn…

I could be completely unable to feed myself and my child with NO clue of source for the next meal…

I could be someone who came from a hopeless family whose specialized skill was telling me all that I COULDN’T be…

I could be someone who didn’t know how to dream…

I could be someone who’s never actually realized many of those dreams…

I could be unskilled and uneducated with no means of supporting myself alternatively while the realization of my dreams are in development…

I could be suffering from a debilitating disease that prevents me from carrying out all that I dream and am capable of in my life…

I could be someone who didn’t realize the power of love, sisterhood and friendships…

I could be someone who had no one to turn to, to inspire me, to sustain me or keep me grounded…

I could not have my beautiful child to remind me of why I have to keep going…even when I want to give up…

 Because, you see, I am…Human and, but for the grace of God…

Like everyone else, there are often times where I feel discouraged, broken, inadequate and unsuccessful. I’ve had a few “reach up to touch rock bottom” experiences in my day; one a few weeks ago in fact. I have enough shares of tears, fears, bills, bad days and “if you only knew…” stock in my arsenal to warrant and fund a scientific study. Yes, I could go ALL the way there – but doing so has never profited me much…

 Let’s shift focus to what I DO have…

Today, I’m reminded that despite some of my personal circumstances and obstacles, things could be much worse than they are. The reality is that the sum of my life has indeed been incredible! I have a career doing what I love. I’ve performed in front of MILLIONS over the span of my career with some individual crowds reaching farther than I’m able to physically see. I’ve met many of the people most dream of meeting. I’ve experienced what its like to have a bit more money left after my bills to spare to get that new gadget, purse or Tiffany & Co bracelet (wink) I desired. I’ve traveled ALL of the habitable  world – TWICE even. I’ve sat, worked, dined, laughed, played & cried with and along side famous, popular, inspiring, successful & wealthy persons – professionals who reside where I’m heading. I’ve been able to tap into their wisdom, hear their testimonies, gain from their advice and endorsements, witness their inner workings & take notes.  I’ve been fortunate enough to plant the seed for my own independent success with the time, space and place to water it consistently. I say this absolutely not to brag or boast, but to publicly acknowledge that I DARE NOT tug on the hem of God’s robe with complaints, whines and bah humbugs without acknowledgement of the blessings I have been given. I’ve been given the opportunity to live a life as abundantly as I’m willing to work and strive for. I thank HIM for all that I am in light of what I could be…

And that’s only the minor stuff…

 I have a personal, direct and unbreakable bond with the Creator. I have a right mind (goes left sometimes though – lol). I have the ability not only to forgive, but to mend what was broken so that I can move on. I’m healthy. I have an energetic, intelligent, healthy & beautiful son who expects nothing less than the very BEST from me. I have a beautiful, loving, wise, intelligent & resourceful mother whose own personal life experiences parallel mine and have been instrumental in guiding me along my path. I have an A-class, high-grade, God-sent, tailor-made support system through my Mom, Dad, Stepmom, Siblings, Family & Friends. I’ve defied the odds  along with my “Partner in Offspring Development” and together, despite dissolving our 10-year marriage, we successfully kept – and even strengthened – our lifelong friendship and partnership for the sake of our son. I learned to love ME , conquer my demons, find, tackle and correct my own flaws instead of trying to itemize those belonging to someone else. I’ve learned what it takes to turn dreams into realities and how to truly pursue a goal. I’ve inspired others. I have God-given talent, passion & intellect; a goal/dream/vision that I REFUSE to let go of. I’ve found a God-sent best friend/confidant/business partner/”male-midwife” who coaches me consistently, encourages me faithfully and executes skillfully to help birth all these crazy dreams, goals & ideas from concept to reality. I have powerful, intelligent & well-connected Sorors (of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Innnnnnncorporated!!) who are ready and willing to lend a hand, a prayer, a dollar or a fist… whatever is needed to get the job done. I’m alive. I am loved. I found love. I’m in love.  I am happily and unapologetically ME – a Tennessee born, New Jersey bred living being who is fertile with promise, prosperity and possibility!

Thank you Lord for my “Village” and for all you’ve done and will continue to do with the little seeds my loved ones and I have planted. In spite of my sins, selfishness, laziness, shortcomings, rants and tantrums, I know that I am uniquely,  fearfully and wonderfully made. I am BLESSED!

Not what I should be, but a whole lot better than what… I could be!

 Obviously, I need to be focusing my energies on recovery. However, I wanted to also make sure I took the time to reach out to all of you and share where I am at this point in time. As I sit home, surrounded by my family who have ‘loved up’ on me since my surgery, I cannot help but continue to look at my 6-year old- son, Jordan. Any of you who follow me on Facebook or Twitter know that he is my pride and joy; always has something comical or impactful to say and knows how to bring a smile to my face during even the darkest times. I can’t IMAGINE not having him in my life –or even worse, having him being taken away from me tragically and senselessly. I think you all know where I’m going with this…

 In case you’ve been under a rock, the highlight of this week’s news has been the tragic  story of Trayvon Martin, an innocent 17-year old black boy in Sanford, Florida. This  young man was killed by a self-appointed neighborhood watchman, George Zimmerman, after walking back from a local 7-Eleven carrying Skittles and a bottle of iced tea. Being deemed ‘suspicious’ because he was walking peacefully through a quiet neighborhood in a gray hoodie, Zimmerman assumed Trayvon was up to no good and pursued him (against police orders) and killed him.  ABCNEWS recounts the story below:

“Trayvon Martin was walking in a gated community carrying Skittles and an iced tea when he was followed and later shot and killed by local neighborhood watch captain George Zimmerman. Zimmerman, who called 911 to report Martin as suspicious person, has not been arrested or charged in the case. Criticism over police handling in the case resulted the temporary resignation of Sanford police Chief Bill Lee yesterday afternoon. “That was my baby, my youngest son,” Martin’s mother, Sybrina Fulton, told ABC News in an interview in Miami. “He meant a lot to me, I don’t think the police department really understands that. … I need justice for my family, I just want justice for my son.” Supporters of Martin’s family organized a “Million Hoodie March” last Wednesday in New York City. Hundreds of participants wore hoodies to the march which sought to protest both the police handling of the shooting and racial profiling in general.”

 The recent tragedy of Trayvon Martin is by far one of the most heartbreaking moments in news… particularly now as a mother of a young, African-American son. Acquiring justice in this case seems easy… so elementary, obvious and evident to me  that I’m questioning my own sanity as to why this has not been resolved already. I can’t tell you the thought and effort I have put into building a better life for my son and I — where we will not have to live “in the hood” and can instead opt for the quite suburbs with progressive citizens and great schools. But with this most recent account of racial profiling, what awaits me in those suburbs?? As a mother, I feel forced to choose between the risks of gangs and hoodlums in the inner/urban city or racist bigots / self appointed vigilantes in the suburbs. With nothing but time on my hands, the internet at my reach and the television in my view, I’ve watched this story over and over again hoping that there’s some missing element that will make sense. That element has not yet come. This is yet another horrible blemish in America’s history and incredibly flawed justice system, where I – as a African-American mother – must now think twice about letting my child leave the house.

 I have so much more that I could.. and will say about this in the future, but this controversy has literally angered me so much in the past few days that it can’t be any good for my recovery. What I will ask of you, this week, is to put yourself in this mother’s shoes – no matter your race, gender, age or creed. Imagine losing your child for something so senseless. Then, join me in helping her pursue justice fervently and unapologetically. Visit the link, sign the petition and let your voice be heard.  The tragedy of Trayvon Martin has bled across political lines and pursuit of JUSTICE is the one thing I think we all can agree on.

Prosecute the killer of our son, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin

Not my "Finest" moment...

Years ago, I was told I had a peptic ulcer. Since that time, anytime I feel a pain similar to what I felt then, I self-diagnose, grab a bottle of Mylanta, rest for a few hours and I’m cured. I’d even broken it down to a science with regard to what causes these ‘ulcers‘ to flare up and tried to avoid those practices. Despite the fact that this ulcer hasn’t appeared on a single diagnostic test in over 11 years, I KNEW I had one and those doctor folk were just wrong. So there I sat, in the emergency room for 3 hours before being called, getting closer and closer to going to grab my bottle of Mylanta. Then someone called my name…

“Ms. Riddick, on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst you’ve ever felt, how bad is the pain??”

“When I got here…8. Now, thanks to you guys, 15″

My grandfather & father’s sarcastic sense of humor rises within me more and more each day. But I must say,  I’ve given birth and yet this pain rivaled… and at moments even surpassed that.

Blood Tests….NOTHING

Ultrasound…NOTHING

They gave me an IV for the pain and it wasn’t doing a THING. Meanwhile, all of the test they performed showed that I was in seemingly perfect health. I knew I should’ve gone to CVS to get some Mylanta…ok, maybe a Costco sized supply of Mylanta…

Finally, a doctor came in and said she’d order one more test – a CT Scan – because she needed to know why I was in so much pain.  I had to drink the worst Vanilla Smoothie ever in preparation for the test, and at almost 12 hours from the time I walked into the emergency room, I learned that I had did NOT have an ulcer…. I had gallbladder disease.

I copied the following passage from the University Of Maryland Medical Center’s Website:

The gallbladder is a sac located under the liver. It stores and concentrates bile produced in the liver. Bile aids in the digestion of fats, and is released from the gallbladder into the upper small intestine (duodenum) in response to food, especially fats. Types of gallbladder disease include:

• Cholecystitis (inflammation of the gallbladder)
• Cholelithiasis (gallstones)

What Causes It?:

Inflammation causes a gallbladder attack. This usually happens because a stone is blocking a passageway in the gallbladder. Gallstones develop in the gallbladder when substances in bile form hard particles. They can be as small as a grain of sand or as large as a golf ball. Women are at higher risk of developing gallstones than men, and the risk increases the more children a woman has had. However, the increased risk associated with having children can be offset by breastfeeding. Women who use hormone replacement therapy are also at higher risk of developing gallstones. Being overweight and rapid weight loss followed by weight gain are other risk factors for gallstones. Gallbladders that cause pain are usually removed.  Today, most gallbladder surgeries are performed with a laparoscope.

Read more: http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/gallbladder-disease-000066.htm#ixzz1od19oKto

I was advised that my gallbladder was diseased, inflamed and that I had gallstones. Yeah Tiff!! Go for the goal, why don’t cha!!!

Since my 90+lbs weight loss, I thought I’d walked away from obesity unscathed with nothing but close call testimonies. But ahhh… here was my souvenir after all. After reviewing the causes and provocations of gallbladder disease, I KNOW that my former dietary lifestyle was a perfect recipe for this result. High fat foods….high cholesterol foods…very little nutritious foods. And while I have since dramatically changed my diet, I’ve realized in the past few weeks since my diagnosis that there was room for greater improvement in this area.

I  was advised to have my gallbladder removed as soon as possible and given a referral to a surgeon who could do so. If only I didn’t have this thing about taking things out of me that God put there. Will this REALLY cure my symptoms? I’ve seen testimonials to argue both sides. Will this change my voice in any way?? I’ve seen testimonies that suggest it may. And will this leave an ugly scar on my torso when I’m a few months crunches away from my first bikini…uh uh!! (yes, I’m shallow) Don’t get me wrong – I’m no fool – and if surgery is recommended for the preservation of my life and relative comfort, I will take the plunge. What I also know is that REGARDLESS of the course I take, one thing will be required: a drastic change in my diet. The fact that the doctor advised me that I  could reduce my symptoms with a low-fat/low-cholesterol diet suggested to me that I may be able to actually CURE this diagnosis with my diet.

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food” -Hippocrates

If your cholesterol levels are too high, you’re going to have to lower them – with or without your gallbladder. If your fat intake it too high, you will need to lower it – with or without your gallbladder. And in consideration that I’ve noticed the beautiful results of healthy dietary changes in my life recently, I BELIEVE that the food we eat can CURE just as many illnesses as they can potentially create. Most things that were CAUSED by a bad diet should be able to be CURED through a good one. While my visit found a few other minor things that will require follow-up, I’ve decided to delay my gallbladder surgery for now (with my doctor’s approval, of course).  I’ve been living a vegetarian (no meat, cheese, dairy or whole eggs) lifestyle since my diagnosis. Since then, my diet has effortlessly abolished pain that anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, a morphine drip and even my good ole’ Mylanta struggled to take away.  Not only that, but I’ve broken through yet another plateau in my weight loss journey, my skin is clearing up and I feel SO much better. I’m thankful for some very experienced and encouraging friends to support me through this transition (thanks Bibi) and look forward to adding this story to my list of triumphs in health and fitness!

Disclaimer: This is by no means an attempt to offer medical advice. If you have are suffering from a gallbladder attack, see the advice of your physician. 

Tiffany at 4 years old.

I was eight years old when the local Boys & Girls Club was hosting a talent show. My mom, who worked at the Boys & Girls Club at the time, felt this would be the perfect opportunity for me to make my debut as an aspiring singer. After all, I had been singing since I was three for family and friends, so it was time for that critical transition that would put me on the path to stardom. The day of the talent show arrived and I was geared up and ready to go. Once there,  I learned that everyone else participating in the show were teenagers and young adults. How was this little girl going to match up with people 7+ years her senior??? Even worse, the crowd was ruthless — showing mercy for NO ONE. From the not so good to the seemingly hidden treasures — no one was exempt. In that auditorium, it seemed as if “booing” was a sport and the attendees were showcasing their prowess. My mom later told me that she thought to herself “if these people ‘boo’ my baby, I’m gonna raise hell in here”. She came to me and said,  ”Tiffy, are you SURE you want to sing” — assuring me that I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to. But I was a brave little girl — and replied ‘yes’ with angelic determination. Once my name was called, I stepped to the microphone and belted out:

“I found out what I’ve been missing… always on the run….I’ve been looking for someone….”

 ”You Give Good Love” by Whitney Houston was one of my favorites. And although the lyrics of the song were obviously far above anything I had experienced or could comprehend, I remember singing it with confidence. Although I believed I was doing a good job, I was waiting for the first ‘boo’ so I could try to sing louder than it. But the boo never came. I finished the song and opened my eyes (back then, I would have to close my eyes to sing) to a standing ovation and thunderous applause. In the end, I WON that talent show. Whitney, we did it!

Whitney Houston was definitely an ‘auntie’ in my head. She’s a hometown girl and we share similarities that have inspired me all of my life. We both were born and bred church girls with a family full of singers and musicians. We were raised in a Baptist Church and lead vocalists in our church choirs. We came from middle-income families and attended Catholic school. We both had dreams of stardom and success in the music industry. And though we both carried ourselves as privileged, classy and intelligent little princesses, we were from the ‘hood’ of Newark, New Jersey.  At the time (and even now), Newark was not always cast in an inspiring or positive light. Known for its projects, car jackings, high crime and foul-smelling factories, many would wonder “What good can come from Newark, New Jersey?” Whitney’s rise to success brought pride and esteem to our great city. She was my hometown hero — and by winning the talent show that night, I was filled with the determination to be one as well.

I had posters of Whitney Houston all over my bedroom walls. And singing Whitney Houston songs were “Popeye’s Spinach” for me — the remedy to win talents shows, soar in auditions and wow my classmates during impromptu school performances.

Greatest Love of All

One Moment In Time

Didn’t We Almost Have It All

Miracle

I’m Your Baby Tonight

I Believe In You And Me

The Star Spangled Banner Performance

Classics. Whitney’s catalog of songs and performances was the vocalist’s curricula of the late 80s and 90s. I would take on each song with a student’s enthusiasm — refusing to move to the next until I had mastered — to the best of my childhood ability — the previous. And slowly but surely, I made each one my own. She was everything that I and most other aspiring singers of that time wanted to be.

I won’t sit here and recap her whole history — that’s what we have her biography and Wikipedia for. Nor will I take this moment to criticize the flaws and shortcomings that played out before the world and through the media. Sure, she had problems and caused me to close my eyes or clutch my own pearls at times, but she was still GREAT! She had removed the princess-like veil to show the ‘hood’ girl that those of us from Newark already knew existed, but she was still GREAT! She struggled with drugs for the later part of her life — an addiction which may have ultimately caused her death, but she was still GREAT! While I wish she could have conquered her weaknesses to turn tragedy into triumph, I dare NOT judge anything that she’s gone through because I think everyone can identify with her struggles in some way, shape or form.  I take issue with those who mercilessly criticize her when in fact we ALL have our ‘drugs of choice‘ we are struggling with. You know, those things that are destructive to our lives, happiness, well-being, health, career and even others? We ALL consume a drug of some sort. What’s your drug of choice???

Lying – Stealing – Envy – Gluttony – Wrath – Adultery  - Pessimism- Alcoholism – Procrastination – Pride  - Sloth – Promiscuity – Laziness – Lust. I could go on. You might not like this – or me for saying this – but offenders of many of the above and more are reading / writing this blog right now. And sadly, many of these ‘drugs’ hurt ourselves and others. Such was the case for Whitney Houston. She was not truly any different from many of us in our own lives. But while we get to throw our flaws under a cover or in the closet so that no one else is aware of them, her status as an entertainer resulted in them playing out in full view for all of us to see and criticize. And the more we criticized, the more we likely provoked her to find rescue & comfort within her own demons.  There goes judgement – another drug …

While I never had the opportunity to sing background for Whitney Houston, I knew many who worked with her and I did have the privilege of meeting her once at a music event. She was very much the Diva, but in a jovial  and friendly mood; very nice and approachable.  Unusually starstruck, I was too afraid/intimated to reach out and let her know how much we had in common, that I was also from Newark and that she meant a lot to me. All I said was hello. That’s a moment I will regret and another reason why it’s important to seize every promising moment that is presented.  Nonetheless, her life has had an incredible impact on me. From Whitney, I learned that little church girls from the ‘ghetto’ could ascend to the grand stage as inspirational icons for the world. I’ve learned that there truly can be “Miracles” when you ‘Believe’. I’ve learned to be more mindful and sympathetic of the struggles people are going through  before I judge their actions. I’ve learned to cherish my gift from God and let no man and no thing separate me from it. I’ve learned to guard — with the best of my ability — my esteem, life and family from the ill wills, actions and opinions of others. I’ve learned to identify life’s crossroads and stay clear of seemingly casual behaviors and activities that could change the course of your life forever. I’ve been reminded of how mortal we are — but that our task here on earth is to create a legacy…a work of art that will last forever. But the most important lesson that I’ve learned from Whitney Houston came not from the later part of her life, but through how she was introduced to the world. This lesson lays as the foundation of all of my hopes, dreams and present endeavors. It’s the cornerstone of all I do as an artist:

“I decided long ago never to walk in anyone’s shadow. If I fail… If I succeed, at least I lived as I believe. No matter what they take from me, they can’t take away my dignity… I’ve found the Greatest Love of All inside of ME!”

Rest in Perfect Peace Whitney Elizabeth Houston

a/k/a

This morning, I reviewed a video of Tyler Perry’s entitled “How To Be Successful”. This video was a very inspiring and powerful testimony of what it takes to achieve success in any endeavor. Surely, Tyler Perry’s rags to riches story is inspiring with humble beginnings that many of us can relate to and an ending we all aspire to have. He discusses his path which included years of performing in nearly empty theaters, saving and investing great deals of money only to see his efforts go up in smoke and being homeless. Despite all of his setbacks and discouraging moments, Tyler Perry had faith that his time would come. He planted and nurtured his seed of faith despite the climate of the world around him. He never stopped nurturing as he waited for God to grant his increase . He knew that he could not stop believing for ANY reason. Though I’m still waiting on a success story comparable to Tyler Perry’s, I see myself in this testimony and can relate in a very personal way.

As you read in last week’s blog, ‘Brave The Storm…Seize The Day’, I was working as a glorified admin at a pharmaceutical company when called upon to sing background for Beyoncé. Surely, being an admin was not on the path to my dreams.  There were many discouraging moments where I felt foolish for desiring something so desperately that seemed so unlikely and impossible on the surface. Nonetheless, I KNEW that I was destined to sing and would do so on a large scale. I saw myself performing before millions, on television and the radio. I saw…and still see Grammys and Behind the Music documentaries.  I knew then that my circumstances were solely provisions; my journey through the wilderness as I moved towards my Promised Land. So even at my job, I found myself singing, writing songs and preparing myself for what I believed was on its way. I was planting and nurturing my seed while waiting for God to send the sunshine and rain. Faith.

Thankfully, that seed planting also came through my attendance and performances at the Village Underground in NYC. It was because of this seed planting that Melonie Daniels even knew who I was and thought of me when she received a phone call looking for a soprano. By singing at the venue’s Sunday Night Open Mic, I had planted a seed in the minds of powerful people . By returning each week and networking with others, I was nurturing that seed. Although my path was diverted with the need for me to return to work, I continued to fight through fear and fatigue and attended open mic on Sunday evening before going to work on Monday morning. Nurturing my seed. Nonetheless, I knew that the only thing that could cause this seed to actually grow was sunshine and rain. And God was the only one who could provide that. When I least expected it, God sent that sunshine and rain. As a result, the seed that I planted  began to bear fruit and freed me from the corporate rat race and onto the path of my dreams. Ironically, I had been turned down for a job promotion at that job that very same day. Then came the sun…

I could go further, but Tyler Perry’s words in this video can explain and inspire you far more than I could. Once you’re done, go out and nurture your seed.

Pardon the glare. My new wrist tattoos - Brave The Storm (with a sideways heart as the 'B'). Seize The Day (with a treble clef as the 'S')

A couple of months ago, I decided to get a new tattoo. Already the bearer of two tattoos I didn’t care for, I wanted to get something that actually had meaning and significance. I wanted something that would bring the same sentiment ten years from now that it did on the day I got it. I was going through something personally at the time and it caused me to reflect on another instance in my life when I had to Brave the Storm and Seize The Day.

In 2007, I was working at a local pharmaceutical company as a Clinical Trial Administrator. Basically, I was a glorified admin who was highly unsatisfied with my career. Here I was – over 30K in debt from college, a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications/Journalism, graduate degree credits towards my M.B.A., yet at the bottom of the totem pole in my department. As inspiring as this path may have been for some, it was not MY path…not even my plan B. You see, I KNEW I was going to be a singer…a recording artist…a STAR. I knew that any course I took in college was merely something to ‘fall back on’ in the event music didn’t take me where I wanted to go. A journalist or publicist –yes, I would like that.  Nonetheless, I didn’t give too much thought to my  plan B, because doing that would take away too much time from my PLAN A.

Despite these grand plans, I was – at that time – a married mother of a 1-year-old son. I already had a few successes in my career – singing background for Christina Aguilera, Faith Evans, Mariah Carey and others – but had hit a 3 year stall. Moreover, I had family and responsibilities to handle; my dreams weren’t materializing into the dollars that could support them.  So instead of fancy lights and big stages, I was staring down at another kind of bright light….the one that gleams across the glass as you are making photocopies and scans. In lieu of a microphone, my instrument was a staple gun and hanging folders.  My stage was a 6×8 gray cubicle that I refused to hang pictures in or personalize because I didn’t feel I belonged there. And even when I tried to make amends with my career there, I was being turned down for opportunities that I was more than qualified for, and that better complimented my education, skills and desired income. I longed to get fired, but couldn’t even succeed at that. I was DEPRESSED; so much so that I wrote  a song that remains in my personal archives – Lord, Send Your Rain – asking God to show me SOME SIGN – ANY sign that my dreams would one day come to fruition.  I would hum this tune to myself on occasion while sitting at my cubicle. March 15, 2007 was no different.

As I left work that day, I checked my phone to see that I had a voicemail. “Ah – I’ll check it later”, I thought and drove off to choir rehearsal. While sitting in the parking lot, I looked back at the phone and decided to check the message. It was a message from Melonie Daniels – my mentor, famed vocalist and former background singer for Mariah Carey. You know the theme song from the UPN television show, Half and Half? Yeah, that’s her singing. Anyhoo, her message said “Tiffany, Kim Burse called me looking for you. She is trying to contact you. I don’t know what it’s about, but I know it’s for a gig so call her back. Here’s the number…“. I knew I didn’t have any time off of work and didn’t know if this ‘gig’ would be worth me getting in trouble for taking a day off, so I delayed calling back.  Two year prior, I had met Kim as she was auditioning singers for a Beyoncé performance. By the time I got there, the singers had already been selected. Kim graciously allowed me to sing something for her so my time wouldn’t be in vain and said she’d call me if another opportunity came up. She wrote my number on this super small Post-It note, so I didn’t take her seriously. She’ll lose that before she leaves the building, I thought. I was right. She did lose that post-it. But she DIDN’T lose Melonie’s number.

About an hour after hearing the initial message, I called Kim. “Hey Tiffany”, she said with a southern accent, “please tell me you’re not on the road and are available right now.” Finally another audition, I thought. I told her I was available and she asked if I’d be interested in a 6-month tour with Beyoncé. HECK YEAH!! She then advised me to come to NYC the following night to meet with the other two singers.  The next evening after work, I went to the ‘audition’ and sang with the other two singers. These chicks could SANG – they were official. I recall wondering how lucky they were to earn such an opportunity and honored to even be considered for it.  After all,  there were probably 20 other chicks after me who weren’t filing papers by day and were grooming themselves non-stop for this moment. Once the evening was over, the other two singers gave me hugs, a stack of lyric sheets, told me they loved my voice and were so glad I was here. Wow – so warm and inviting – talking to me like I already had the gig!

When I left that night, I touched base with Kim to tell her I was done. She said great and that she’d see me tomorrow at 5. Yes! I made it to the callback!  Round Two!! Get it Tiff!! I hung up with her, then began to wonder when they’d be making a decision and how many rounds of auditions they were anticipating before a selection. Praying this wouldn’t cast me in a negative light, I called back the next morning to ask. “Well, the rehearsals for today and tomorrow begin at 5, but are at noon everyday after that.” Uh oh! I knew I wouldn’t be able to make all of these auditions because I had a day job. I couldn’t risk losing my job if this opportunity ended up like that last audition. I advised her of my dilemma and she replied:

“Tiffany, these aren’t auditions. You had the gig when I called you.  See you tomorrow at 5.”

WHACHU TALKIN ‘BOUT WILLIS??

I think I sat there for 20 minutes trying to take it all in, then burst into tears. I screamed! I yelled! I danced! No more paper clips and photocopies for me! I was hitting the road!! Singing for Beyoncé! Leprechaun kick! Still in corporate mode, and in between shock and la-la land, I called back to advise Kim that I would be late during the weekdays for the next two weeks as I had to give the standard two week’s notice to my job before I could start rehearsals. My mom always taught me not to burn any bridges and who knows if I would need to come back here later. I’d definitely be able to join them in rehearsals full time after two weeks, though.

(laughing to herself) “Umm, Tiffany, I’ll see you tomorrow at 5 and THIS Monday at noon.”

Oh…. In other words – quit that job by any means necessary, but get your tail to these rehearsals now.

I went through a boatload of emotions that day leading up to rehearsal due to the excitement of leaving a job I hated, the excitement of working in music full time, the excitement of singing background for BEYONCÉ, the fear of embarking on something new, the fear of being away from home, the fear of leaving my 1-year-old son…

Wait a minute… I’M NOT LEAVING MY SON FOR SIX MONTHS! Dream gig or Not!

This wonderful opportunity came with tremendous sacrifices. Although it allowed me to leave my dread job and walk through a door of possibility where I could begin to realize life long dreams, it meant that a critical part of my life had to shift with it. It meant sacrificing tender moments with my son in his formative years. It meant stepping into unknown territory, quitting my job and taking the risk of a lifetime. I remember sitting in a local park for 2 hours crying and debating over whether to go forward with the gig or not. I remember telling myself I couldn’t do it and hoping those around me wouldn’t think I was crazy for turning it down.  I remember my then husband telling me that if I turned it down, he would understand, but that decision would signify that I didn’t really want what I claimed I wanted so badly. He and my mom both reminded me that big dreams required big sacrifices. To whom much is given, much is required.  If I did not brave the storm of sacrifice, the fear of unknown and sadness of leaving home – and seize this day, there would be no validity to my complaints on Monday morning when I’m back to making photocopies. Was the risk of chasing my dreams greater than the risk of missing out on them??

I went to rehearsals that Saturday to tell Kim to her face that despite her thoughtfulness and the possibilities of this wonderful opportunity, I would not be able to take the gig. It was just more than my head and heart could bear. Kim was running late that day, so I had to wait and decided to run through rehearsals with everyone until she got there. During that time, the other background singers and band embraced me, brought me up to speed, told me stories about their families and careers and even stories about their children. Yes, like me, three of the band members were mothers. They’ve walked in my shoes and shed the same tears and fears as I.  They’ve endured long distances, yet maintained unbreakable bonds with their children. Moreover, they’ve not only taught their children to dream, but showed them how to capture it. I thought about a proverb I’ve heard over and over at church: If God brings you to it, he’ll bring you through it.

Shortly after my chat with the band, Kim walked through the door. She asked how everything was going, and I confirmed that it was all good. My last day at work had in fact been my last day. Promise had taken the place of Provision. I quit my job and left the corporate world by email that Saturday afternoon and never turned back.

In every circumstance, through every hard break and heartache, March 17, 2007 taught me to…

Brave The Storm.  Seize The Day.

]]> http://www.tiffanymonique.com/blogrss/2012/01/18/brave-the-storm-seize-the-day/feed/ 9 http://www.tiffanymonique.com/blogrss/2012/01/11/making-my-musical-weight-known/ http://www.tiffanymonique.com/blogrss/2012/01/11/making-my-musical-weight-known/#comments Thu, 12 Jan 2012 02:54:17 +0000 Tiffany Moníque http://www.tiffanymonique.com/blogrss/?p=57 (more...)]]>

Tiffany in 2008

My blog’s title today was taken from an article that was recently written about me by June Saunders Grayson on BlackDoctor.org entitled: Tiffany Moníque: Making Her Music Weight Known. I’m so honored by this feature , the beautiful way in which it was written and that fact that I’ve come to a place worthy of such a story. I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. Reading this article makes me proud, and prompted a great deal of reflection on my past 2 years.

In 2009, I remember looking in the mirror and wondering “who in hell is this looking back at me”? By then, I had already been overweight for 9 years, but somehow, it never hit me as harshly as it did then. As a teenager, I was always petite. I wore an extra small dress…and could even squeeze into a t-shirt my mom had for me when I was 5 years old. I remember a  time when my mother would become annoyed with me because I was so small at 105lbs, it made it appear that no one was feeding me. I was definitely eating – but extremely active as well.  Surely, this was no longer the case as I stared in that mirror at my 235-pound frame.

Also slapping me in the face was the fact that I was not where I wanted to be in my music career. Sure, I was one of ‘The Mamas’ – background singers for Beyoncé – but the operative word was BACKground. I had not made any major strides to establish my place in the foreground and any small attempt to do so was slammed down by some fat-o-phobic critic. Ohh - and let’s not forget that every time I read a review about a performance we’d done, some journalist felt the need to make note of how BIG ‘The Mamas’ were…how we dwarfed Beyoncé in size. Forget the fact Beyoncé saw beauty and talent in us and was gracious enough to allow us to share the stage with her. Or that we gave 100% each night on that stage, virtually trying to rupture our vocal cords in the name of ‘good sangin’. As far as the media was concerned, we were just BIG and that’s all that mattered.  Is that ALL anyone could see of me? Is THIS how I want to be known to the world?? The BIG Mama that can sing…in the BACKground??

Tiffany in 2008

Finally – and most importantly – I saw my young son. Then 3 years old,  he was everything I had asked, thought, or didn’t even have the sense to hope for. He was a very energetic toddler and loved playing and running around. Problem is, I didn’t have the energy to run around with him. Why?? Well, maybe it was that 235lb frame I was lugging around. Maybe it was my high cholesterol clogging up any energy I could have had to play with him.  Or it could have been that I was in physical therapy for knees that were buckling under the effect of rheumatoid arthritis thanks to those good ole LBS. How about the diagnosis of pre-diabetes – an illness that took the lives of BOTH of my maternal grandparents? Most of all, there was a scary reality that one day, if I didn’t get my act together, my son could be staring at a reflection of himself all alone – possibly in the same condition I was in then – because I had succumbed to some illness as a result of obesity and did not change the dangerous course.  We all have to go at some point, but I didn’t want to go down the express lane and have him suffer for my mistakes.

I have a life to live, dreams to fulfill and a son to raise.  Obesity did not fit into the equation ANYWHERE or in ANYWAY.  I had to do SOMETHING ASAP!

I’ll go into the hows, whens, and how muchs in another blog (you can get started by visiting Sparkpeople.com and Black Girls Guide To Weight Loss in the meantime though). Nonetheless, I did it.  Today, 90lbs are gone and I’m still trying to chase away and tone up a few more as I press toward my goal at the 100lb mark. Already, my life has changed dramatically ( and for the BETTER) since my weight loss. This week, I was actually featured in an article on BlackDoctor.org (which was excellently written by June Saunders Grayson) entitled: “Tiffany Moníque: Making Her MUSICAL Weight Known.”.

Ahh yes…. MUSIC is the ONLY heavyweight title I want to carry from here on out.

Tiffany in 2011

Sunrise in Dubai - 2009

This time of the year is full of promises, resolutions and passionate plans. I, like all of you, have approached the year with plans of being better than I was last year. Last year was definitely a good one for my personal life and career. I maintained a 90lb weight loss, toured with Beyoncé, released a new song and video, was featured (w/ Beyoncé and The Mamas) on a DVD that was distributed worldwide, and thanks to BET (Black Girls Rock)  & VH1 (VH1 Divas), I had the opportunity to sing background for over 20 awesome and inspiring recording artists…many of whom shoes  I aspire to fill. Some might say that I’m at the pinnacle of my career right now. For, there is no doubt that I am grateful for each and every opportunity and am better because of them. Yet, I’m still striving to get “there”…

Where is “there”, you might ask? I’ll answer that in a minute, but let’s talk about your “there”. Have you ever wanted something that many thought was unnecessary, irrational, overly ambitious, didn’t deserve, excessive or out of your reach? But no matter how much one said you didn’t need it, your heart and mind couldn’t rest until you did.

You have a pretty face, you don’t need to lose weight.

You’ve got a good job, you don’t need to go back to school.

You’ve got a family that loves you, you don’t need a mate.

You make good money; you don’t need a part time job.

You’ve sang with Beyoncé; you don’t need to be a solo artist.

or, as I have actually heard people say to/about Beyoncé…

You ARE Beyoncé; you don’t need to do anything else.

All of these sorts of statements are said to ALL of us in some way or form everyday. No one – not even superstars who we assume have it all – are exempt. And usually, they are birthed from one of two types –Haters, who we shouldn’t be entertaining anyway – or through the love and support from people who care about us and are striving to assure us that we are ‘good enough’ just the way we are. Indeed, we are. However, if there is a dream or goal you have in mind, nothing and no one will (or should) fill that void until it is reached. No matter how close you are (or how close people may think you are), you are grateful, but unfulfilled because you are not “there”.

Two days ago, after preparing my breakfast, I searched to find my morning inspiration video for the day. One of my New Year’s resolutions (though I refuse to call it that, cause I’ve failed at my last few ‘resolutions‘) was to start and finish my day with an inspirational video. As long as I did this, and no matter how bad the day seemed, I am never more than 12 hours away from a living example of why I need to stay the course. When you look for it, there’s a world of inspiration out there. Anyhoo, I came across the now infamous commencement speech Steve Jobs gave in 2005at Stanford. I’d always watched excerpts, but never the video in its entirety. I’m so glad I did. I’ve cut and chopped a lot of the contents, but here are the phrases that resonated most with me:

‎”The only way to do great work is to love what you do…Your time [on earth] is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life….don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice…have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition. Don’t settle…stay hungry…stay foolish.” – Steve Jobs

I am blessed to work doing what I love most – MUSIC.  There are moments where I’m sitting in a rehearsal studio going over parts or on stage performing and want to cry out and run around like a lunatic in amazement that I’m doing what I love. Other’s would pay big money to be in my shoes. But to say that I could live the rest of my life doing just this would be allowing the ‘noise of other’s opinions’ to drown out MY inner voice. My inner voice is crying out for “there”. As elated and overwhelmed as I am with where my career has been, before anything, I am a singer and songwriter with my eyes set on a successful career as a major recording artist. That’s “there”.  All else, though appreciated and glorified, is a building block to get “there”.

I’ve been aspiring for a success as a major recording artist since the age of 18. From that time to now, I’ve had my share of near misses, including a short-lived deal with a small label under MCA Records. Once that bottomed out, I set my sights on a career as a professional background vocalist with the hopes that it would not only beef up my experience and give me on the job training, but that I’d eventually emerge into comparable success as Luther Vandross, Mariah Carey, Sheryl Crowe – all former background vocalists –did. What I didn’t expect was for it to be 10+ years later, and I’m still striving to get “there”…

I could think about this all day, wallow in its reality and sink into self-pity. OR, I could settle my mind on the blessings I have had – to travel the entire world and share the stage with a superstar. That should be enough, right? It’s not. If millionaires and billionaires can aspire to be BETTER, why can’t I. I, too, have worked hard and paid my dues. So no matter how long it takes, I will keep my head. Steve Job’s message confirmed all that I’m determined to be  in 2012 – driven, unsettled, hungry, focused…maybe even foolish. But I won’t stop,  until I get “THERE”.

I hope you’re off to a running start for a happy, prosperous and inspiring New Year! I’m in the process of redeveloping my blog (it’s different from the last one), so make sure you subscribe so you can be up to date with my most recent postings. I plan on having a lot to say (wink).

To get started, I wanted to share with you a few excerpts from my most recent newsletter…

Like all years, 2011 had its share of ups and downs. Nonetheless, I am blessed to say that I made some wonderful accomplishments in my like and career last year, including:

• Touring with Beyoncé as part of ‘The Mamas’ on her promotional tour for her most recent album, “4”.
• Successfully conquered one of my longest and toughest battles – obesity– and achieving a 90-lb weight loss thus far (still toning and cleaning it up though – smile)!
• Releasing a new dance single ‘I Feel A Spark’ in commemoration of my weight-loss success!
• Participating in the 2nd televised ‘Black Girls Rock’ awards on BET as background vocalist for some amazing artists (Ledisi, Mary J Blige, Estelle, Melonie Fiona, Elle Varner, Jill Scott, Shirley Ceasar, Mary Mary and more!)
• Releasing the second video, Anytime, from my debut EP, Nemesis (check it out here if you haven’t already)
• Performing ‘A Very BET Christmas’ (on BET) behind talented recording artist Monica!
• Performing along side highly acclaimed musicians, The Roots (including Adam Blackstone, Carol Riddick and more) as a background vocalist for Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, Chaka Khan, Florence Welch, Jessie J, Ledisi and more on the VH1 Divas special!
• Being featured in ‘Beyond Sugar Shock: The 6-Week Plan to Break Free of Your Sugar and Carb Addiction & Get Slimmer, Sexier & Sweeter’ by nutritional coach and author Connie Bennett (Upcoming: May 1, 2012, Hay House)
• Acquiring an international base of sincere, loving and LOYAL SUPER FANS like YOU!

Without a doubt, a highlight through all these accomplishments is YOU! There’s a saying I heard as teenager that still rings true today:

“People don’t have to be nice and when they ARE nice, they still don’t have to be nice to you!’. 

I’ve always remembered and respected that reality. To that end, I consistently and frequently want to let you know how much I appreciate your support and encouragement along my journey to success. I truly consider you apart of my family and this success story. So once again, THANK YOU for sharing a wonderful year with me!

Again, make sure you subscribe to this blog, as well as sign up to my mailing list to keep on top of my latest news – I always have free treats for those of you who do (smile)!  And feel free to follow me on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube!

Thanks and cheers to an AWESOMELY PROSPEROUS New Year!!

LOVE ALWAYS,